Little Girl Lost
by herworship429
Summary: This time it was Ashley who was the one risking her life, and they both knew, even as they counted backwards in whispers, that Helen's little girl would be gone before she got to one.


This was based on a random thought I had during the season one finale… a little songfic about Helen and Ashley. Set to one of my wrock favorites, "Home", by the Remus Lupins; so obviously I didn't write the song or anything. Nor can I claim the characters or anything else that belongs to Syfy and the creators of Sanctuary, etc.

So… enjoy!

* * *

_Count down, I'll be home before you know it._

_Count it backwards from ten…_

When she was little, Ashley had been scared every time her mom had to leave; she had clung tight to Helen's arm and begged for her to stay. She made up imaginary demons to try to keep the source of her real nightmares at bay. It wasn't until she was five years old that she finally managed to explain to her mother why she lost it whenever Helen tried to leave.

"I'm scared, Mommy," she had whimpered, ignoring the looming shadow of the Big Guy in the doorway, his hairy hand on Henry's skinny shoulder, "What if you don't come back?"

It was only then that Helen realized that her little girl knew exactly what her mother did, and how dangerous it could be. That was when the tradition was born.

Whenever Helen left, even if it was for a week or more at a time, she told Ashley to keep counting backwards from ten.

"I'll be back before you know I'm gone," she had said with a smile and a hug, "Don't worry about me, darling. And if you get scared, just keep counting back until I come home."

_Count down, I'll be home before you know it._

_Count it backwards from ten…_

By the time she was twelve, Ashley had learned not to be afraid for her mother. She knew by then that her mother could more than take care of herself, and besides, she was usually with her these days, or doing those dangerous missions herself. Now, more often than not, it was Helen who did the fretting and the counting. But one of them always did the counting.

Will had caught her at it once, when Helen had disappeared on some urgent mission without even a heads up to let them know where she'd be. He had stared at her for five minutes while Ashley, oblivious to his presence, paced in her mother's office.

"Ten… nine… come on, mom, just let us know where you are… eight… seven… God, why do you always have to… six… five… four… three…"

"Uh, Ashley?" he asked hesitantly, about to ask why on Earth she had been counting down from ten over and over for the past five minutes. The downright poisonous look on her face made him think better of it, "Uh, okay, then… I'll just…"

He had mentioned the odd behavior later to Henry while they were looking at security footage in his lab.

"Just a… I dunno, a tradition? When she was a kid, she would always freak out whenever Magus had to leave on missions. She babbled about monsters in the closet for a few years, but finally said that it was 'cause she was scared that her mom wouldn't come back. So Magus told her to do that, when she was afraid. It turned into something they both do every time on of 'em goes on a solo mission."

"So it's a coping mechanism," he had rephrased with a nod, "Well, that explains that."

_Count down, I'll be home before you know it._

_Count it backwards from ten…_

But this time was not like the other times; this time it wasn't just Magnus's little girl out there risking her life. This time she was the enemy, and Helen didn't know what to do. This time, the choice was to kill her own child and save all she had built, or let Ashley live and lose everything. This time…

This time Ashley might not come home, and no amount of counting would help Magnus cope with that.

_Ten, nine…_

She still counted, as she moved through the Sanctuary, her weapon at the ready; muttering under her breath, barely loud enough for even her to hear. And when she finally came face-to-face with the monster the Cabal had turned her little girl into, she kept counting.

_Eight, seven, six…_

"Ashley," she whispered as the younger Magnus managed to right herself after Kate's missile knocked her down. The hit must have brought her back to herself, for a moment, but one look in her daughter's face, and Magnus knew it was too late. Because this time it was Ashley who was the one risking her life, and they both knew, even as they counted backwards in whispers, that Helen's little girl would be gone before she got to one.

_Five, four…_

But Ashley was her mother's daughter, and she wasn't going without a fight. And she sure as hell wasn't going to let the last mutant vampire the Cabal had sent to the Sanctuary kill her mom right in front of her either.

"Ten, nine…" Magnus kept counting, even as she leveled the weapon in her arms at her only daughter and the other struggling woman. But she knew now she wouldn't need it. This would be Ashley's final act of defiance, her last gift to her family before she was taken from them for good, "Eight, seven, six, five, four…"

"Three…" Ashley whispered, "Goodbye mom."

"Two…" Magnus couldn't stop the tears now. Henry's voice came over Magnus' radio, letting her know that the EM shield was back up. Mother and daughter locked eyes one last time. Then Ashley teleported the other abnormal away, disappearing in a swirl of air. Magnus collapsed into tears, her weapon thrown aside and forgotten.

_Three, two… _

If it was even possible, it was harder to let Ashley's death go than it was to watch it happen. Nearly a week of chasing down every possibility until there was nothing for it but to admit the truth.

Her daughter was dead.

It had nearly broken her again, though seeing Ashley that one last time had helped. And her daughter's last words, even if they were just the product of her own grieving mind, struck her.

"Finish it, mom," she had said with a quiet smile, "You taught me that. Finish what you start. I'm home now, for good. I'll never really be gone, never again. So finish it."

And so, Magnus did as her daughter instructed; one last word she had been so desperate not to say, because it was tantamount to admitting that Ashley was really dead. But her little girl was right; it was time for it to be over. Time for them all to move on.

So alone in the chapel, staring at the stone casket full only of the gifts she and the others had left for her daughter, she uttered that last little word that had so scared her.

_One…_

And Ashley Magnus came home at last.

* * *

So, any thoughts? And by that I mean nice ones... no flames please!


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